Quebec City Review

Alright kiddies, it's the moment you've all been waiting for: the Quebec City review. Now, Please keep in mind that this review will be unlike any other review you have had the chance to lay eyes on. It has some very scary moments, some very drunken moments, and to top it off, it has some very naked moments. So, what I suggest is, go look in your wallet, take out your ID card, and make sure you're over 18 years old. Otherwise, shut down your browser right now.

Rating: let's say, *R* for Really Funny.

To start off, Quebec City isn't all that exciting… or so we had originally thought. We were eight girls, from both Ontario and Quebec traveling to see MOIST (but of course, you knew that already). We each got there our separate ways, traveling in pairs of two. Sylvie and I got a ride from our friends in St. Hyacinthe, Melanie and Cynthia took a carpool from Montreal, Amy, Laura, Courtney and Whitney all took the ultimate route: Bus and train from Toronto to Montreal, then carpooling down from Montreal to Quebec City. Needless to say, we all had quite an adventurous journey. Laura and Courtney were serenaded by some Jesus loving Shakespearean wacko who sang the praises of the Lord while reciting versus from various Shakespeare plays. Imagine yourself driving down a dark highway, your friend by your side, then all of a sudden hearing something to the effect of:

"Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? Or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, in form as palpable
As this which now I draw.
Thou marshal'st me the way that I was going,
And such an instrument I was to use." - Macbeth

We commend Allostop for being able to find such interesting people. Sylvie and I, on the other hand, had to listen to MOIST all the way down to Quebec City. Song after song, from all three albums. What a chore that was!!

Sylvie and I were waiting outside; finally Laura and Courtney arrive. Then Amy and Whitney; we all sat outside talking and laughing; making a lot of noise. Luckily for us, the T Dot's came baring gifts; gifts of smooth tasting, heart burning, mind altering, alcohol! Much thanks goes out to Courtney Little for providing Sylvie with the fuel for her rather awkward behaviors during the evening's activities. She took one sip of that oddly yummy tasting orange juice and vodka elixir and fell right into the hands of the Devil that night.

Can't forget about Laura though. She was the one completely wasted in our endeavors to have fun, in a rather un-fun city. My eyes have never seen her that bizarre before, and I must admit, it was quite the spectacle! (I hope her mom doesn't read this - otherwise see you all in *heaven*.) We all love Laura, but next time she gets drunk like that, she better find someone else to fall onto in the hallways! I'll always catch Laura if she needs me to though.

We all checked into our rooms at the YWCA. Not bad for the price we paid. Though, Laura almost got us kicked out! Crazy nut-head! We were all pretty loud (except for me of course); everyone was drunk but me. I was the one going "SHOOSH" in the night. Good li'l old me! Not a sip of anything! (dammit all).

We were all hanging out in each other's rooms, and mostly in the hallway, making noise and causing havoc. There wasn't much to do, and we weren't tired in the least. Or maybe some of us were, but figured, what would be the point of going to sleep, with all that laughing and yelling in the hallways! Then, the most bizarre thing happened. Something inconceivable and utterly disturbing. Something neither one of us shall ever forget, especially Sylvie.

Just as the night was bearing down, a gate of opportunity shone it's light into our lives, literally! As we were strolling the halls, we came across a large window, facing an apartment building complex. It was fairly dark outside, except for a glare of light directly below our floor. Out the window, what do we see? A guy sitting at his computer, blinds open, and nothing on but the glare from the computer screen! We're talking 100% bare-assed, naked, nude, stripped down to the bare essentials, boy in his birthday suite. Not only was he naked, but he was also enjoying the pleasures associate with nudity and cyber space, if you get my drift! He was going at it, and we all watched with astonishment. We were laughing, trying to get his attention by banging on the window and waving like ravaging fools. We must have been there for a good hour or so running through the hallways, back and forth, watching the guy going at it. It was quite bizarre! The guy finally saw us peeping tom-ettes, and got off his seat covering his dingaling, gracefully showing off his untanned fou-fon, otherwise known as, ass.

Moments had passed, and we kept watching out for Mr. Fou-fon. Eventually he came back fully clothed, and rather embarrassed - or so we would have expected. We kept starring and laughing at him, and he kept starring right back at us through his horizontal blinds. You'd figure, after having been the spectacle of a rather unflattering situation (believe me, this guy wasn't that good looking at all) of masturbation, and having eight young women starring at his ass, there'd be some, if not just a tiny bit of shame. But no. This guy kept his blinds open, and kept looking at us, as if he was proud of what had just happened.

We weren't relentless either. We should have been repulsed! Mortified! Disgusted! But no. The alcohol is to be blamed for that. Sylvie was pretty much having the most fun out of all of us. Though Laura seemed pretty high!! She kept falling on the floor, walking into walls, and hugging everyone. If only everyone was like that, we'd all live in a friendlier world. Awwww.

As Sylvie drank more, and started hop scotching across the hallway floors, we all got in our jammy's, and went back to the viewing spot, hoping to catch another glimpse of Mr. Fou-fon's cyber-action! I being the only sober one there practically, watched as everyone stared and mocked. Then we all got the idea that Sylvie should flash her cookies at the guy! After a few moments of convincing, she finally gave in, took another sip or two of Laura's Rum and Coke and lifted up her shirt. As we laughed, giggled and almost choked, we watched as the guy looked back. He was pretty much amazed, and from that point on, a little window love affair was created. Ah, how love works in so many different ways. Oh and did I happen to mention that Sylvie thought he reminded her of Jeff? You know, our cute and cuddly bassist boy? Jeff? Let's just say that Laura was peeved at that remark.

Bed time soon came. Three hours passed. Rise and shine everyone!

(Times and events are approximate. You think I can remember exactly what happened? You're nuts!)

5:00am: We all got up, except for the lazy people, aka: Cynthia and Melanie.
6:30am: On our way to Expo Cite.
7:00am: Sitting on concrete patiently waiting.
7:15am: Laura falls asleep on Elyssa's lap.
7:20am: Elyssa's leg falls asleep, and she has to go to the bathroom.
8:00am: Amy and Courtney play with the foam rocket. Courtney beats Amy 100 point to none.
9:30am: Ticket booth opens, we get out tickets and stand in line at the gates.
9:31am: Expo Cite starts playing Circus music, and Elyssa's head is about to explode.
9:32am: Courtney brings out her Kazoo and begins playing along with the clown music.
9:33am: Elyssa falls victim to the music and starts singing along (it's addictively annoying).
10:30am: Gates open and we all get to the front of the stage.

I don't think I'll go into details about everything that happened during the day, cause that would be quite long and rather tiresome. Yadda yadda yadda, we waited all day in the sun, walked around, saw David, Mark, Jeff and Kevin (who at one point was apparently in a porto-potty for over 5 minutes - with a book I might add), got tanned, ate lunch, walked around some more, saw Anthony, got MOIST stickers, had to listen to an orchestra/Army marching band play the same songs twice, waited, waited, waited and waited some more till the opening band did soundcheck.

Amy went to go find some balloons that we could use to draw on. We made a Kevin balloon, which burst during the show, thanks to Amy! How could you!!! Kevin!! I also made a Paul balloon that looked so much like Paul, it was spooky! We knew that Paul wouldn't be present at the show, so we wanted to make a balloon which we could show the guy's, in memory of our favourite drummer. On the back of it we wrote, "We miss you Paul!"

Twenty minutes after their soundcheck, Projet Orange comes on stage. They're a pretty decent Francophone rock/alternative band. The lead singer was a bit gay though. They had a heavy sound, with slight gay moments, and at the end of the show, I got a Projet Orange water bottle! Yay me!!

Fourty minutes later, and the crowed begins to cheer loudly for MOIST. We were all at the front of the stage, which was pretty packed, but seats filled most of the platform beginning about three meters away from the stage. This was a good thing, cause there wouldn't be too much moshing, and rarely any crowed surfing.

The band started off with Tangerine, and ended with a nice acoustic version of Gasoline and a rocking 1969. Anthony played with the band and has now officially marked himself as the sixth member of MOIST. We all love Anthony! The temporary drummer, a guy named Stephan from Quebec City, did a pretty decent job. Paul left him some large shoes to fill, but on average, he did okay. There were a few songs that were either a bit too fast paced, or a bit too slow, for example, Leave it Alone played rather fast while Comes and Goes was slightly slower than the normal speed. Not much notice, if you haven't seen the band as often as I have. During the show, Kevin saw my Paul balloon and laughed. Jeff saw it too I think, and David might have seen it as well.

Because the fans were so receptive and loud, the show proved to be one of the best I've seen. Going to Quebec City has probably made me temporarily deaf in one ear because of the high pitched yelping of fans. Anything for MOIST, right? We're all gonna be deaf eventually; might as well get a head start listening to the best band there is.

After the show was over, we walked around a little. Some people went around to see where we could find the tour bus. I, thinking more about my dry mouth and sweaty neck, decided it was more important to quench my thirst. I finally got a Brisk Iced Tea. Mmmm. How that hits the spot! We then sat down on some chairs, and waited for the guys. Then, the tour bus started leaving. We all rushed out back, and watched as the bus left the venue. We were pretty disappointed, but understood completely. Not that we were many people, but Quebec City and MOIST are pretty fragile when put together. As we started back into the main area of the event, to our amazement, we saw the tour bus heading back! "THEY FORGOT DAVID!!" I said out loud jokingly. Turns out the new bus driver forgot the entire band.

The tour bus parked, and we gave ourselves some distance, not wanting to upset the herd. Laura and I desperately wanted to get the Paul balloon onto the tour bus, so we finally snuck around the parked cars, and Laura, as brave as she is, attached the balloon to the back of the tour bus wagon. She also got a cute photo of it, which can be seen below.

Finally, we saw the guys about to get into the bus. They looked over our way, and David and Kevin came to greet their fans for a quick hello, and an even quicker good-bye. It was so sweet of them to come say hello, and to thank us for being at the show. Most bands in that position would just get onto their bus, and drive away into the sunset. But my boys are sweet one's! As David and Kevin walked back to the bus, we showed them the attached balloon, and asked them to give it to Paul. Sabrina and some woman got into a white car, and followed the tour bus out of the area, along with Mr. Baldy dancing in the wind. We have no idea if the balloon actually stayed attached or not, but if it did, we hope Paul received it. Hopefully Paul will be better for the next set of upcoming shows!

Fatigue set in, walking feet were in pain and hunger was amongst us all. We decided it was time to go back to the YWCA and get to bed. We called for two taxis, who eventually passed us by and disregarded the fact that they were held under the name Melanie. Finally, a taxi came, and we sent half the crowed to the Depanneur where we would all eventually meet.

While Sylvie, Melanie Cynthia and I waited for our taxi, a man came up to Melanie and said her name. A man she had never met in her life. A man she knew nothing of, or quite frankly, didn't WANT to know anything of. A middle aged man. We pondered how this unknown man could possible know who Melanie was. We still have yet to determine this mystery. Some theories include: maybe he saw her working at Dunkin Donuts and remembered her name from her name tag; maybe there are nude photos of Melanie lurking around on the Internet that she has no knowledge of, or maybe he was psychic and knew of her from a past life. In any case, it was just plain weird and bizarre.

We got into our taxi, got dropped off, paid the man and got some food. Walked back to the YWCA and ate, talked laughed and all that fun stuff. Sylvie and I went to see if Mr. Fou-fon was fondling his friend. He was there alright, just not nude this time around. We all gathered around the window and watched as Sylvie attempted to communicate with this weird fellow. He for some reason, went onto his balcony and just stood there. He stood there, while we all laughed. Not at him, but at the fact that he was just standing there! Doing nothing! Finally, the communication between normal and not normal began. Sylvie called out to him, and started talking. They chatted for a bit, and Sylvie asked him what his name was.

"Jeff" he yelled out. We could NOT believe our ears. We all looked at each other with astonishment!! This guy's name was JEFF! Unbelievable! That was a sign of some sort, and we convinced Sylvie that she and him should meet downstairs. They finally agreed to do so, half an hour from that point.

The Craziness Begins:

Everyone goes to sleep, except for Laura and I. We decided it would be best to hide out in the bush to keep watch on things while Sylvie and Jeff met on the porch. We strolled around the grounds, trying to find a decent listening spot. In our attempts to find such a place, we saw Jeff walking towards Sylvie. We needed to find a good place, so we walked all the way around the apartment complex, finally ending up across the street from the YWCA. We had them in full view, but couldn't hear a thing. 30 minutes after, we decided we would go back to our room, pretend that we were coming back from the depanneur. We walked up to her, said goodnight, took one look at Jeff and almost laughed. We decided to stay in the vestibule, and listen to their conversation. We both sat on the bench and tried understanding what was being said. They were talking in French.

Ten minutes into their conversation, and I look over at Laura. She is falling asleep right in front of me, trying to dodge her impulse to close her eyes. She would be all attentive at one point, and then I would see her head collapsing, and her eye lids flapping. It was the most funniest thing I had ever seen. I shook her, and woke her up, but she kept doing the same thing over and over again. One minute she'd be like "hmm… what are they saying?!" the next.. timber.. there she goes, falling asleep; her head falling down! I kept laughing, but trying to hold it in, cause otherwise they're hear us.

Laura finally decided to lay down on the thin bench, so I held onto her legs, and her arm was tucked into her chest. 10 seconds after she lays down, she's snoring, and all I see is her arm slooowwwwlllyyy descending from her body, to the floor. I am sitting there trying to hold my breath, but just can't seem to, so I start laughing a little. She wakes up and laughs at me. Then, she turns around, with her arm even more tucked into her chest. This does not stop or prevent it from falling down. She begins to snore again, and her arm inches it's way off her body, and I'm just laughing the entire time at this hilarious display! Finally, I let out a loud noise, but luckily they don't hear it, so I just look away from Laura, and calm myself down. Watching her trying to stay up was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen, aside from Mr. Fou-fon's naked chops.

After about an hour or so, Sylvie walks into the vestibule, and we all go upstairs. Turns out Sylvie and Jeff exchanged e-mail addresses and are now having an online affair!!! (just kidding). We all finally get to sleep.

The next morning, we wake up and everyone leaves, expect for me and Sylvie. We were waiting for our lift back. It was a pretty boring wait, except for the wasp that kept annoying us. We finally get our lift, and drive back to St. Hyacinthe. What a dead town that was! We couldn't wait to get back to good 'ol Montreal, and when we did, we almost kissed the ground.

So, that's my review of the Quebec City show. It was more of a weekend review of everything that happened, but I hope you enjoyed it for the most part! Lots of funny things happened that weekend, that only us eight gals will understand and know fully, but this is an idea of what happened.

Sylvie and Jeff are set to get married in Early February. They were thinking of a Valentine's day wedding. So, we'll let you know when that happens, and of course, I will put up photos of the wedding.

Laura is not drunk at the moment, as far as I know. She has also since, slept a considerable amount since she returned back to Toronto. Perhaps next time we all gather for a MOIST show, she will be less tired, and won't be falling asleep every two seconds.

Courtney still has her kazoo and uses it every chance she can to sing the song from the Wizard of Oz. She has not had any orange juice and vodka since that one special night, and she was so damaged from the alcohol, that she cannot remember the Jesus loving Shakespearean guy she had to drive with to Quebec City for almost 3 hours.

Amy is home safe and sound with her foam rocket. She has since been practicing for the Official Foam Rocket Olympics which are scheduled to be held in Summer 2002. We wish her all the best! She also has Kevin's sweat towel, which she will eventually get signed and hung on her wall.

Cynthia has stopped reciting lines from her Telemarketing job, and is learning not to be so lazy when it comes to MOIST and getting up at ridiculously early hours of the morning. We hope to have her straightened out soon enough.

Melanie has learned that she is in fact, NOT an Internet pin-up girl and that the man who knew her name is still on the loose somewhere in Quebec. If you see this man, please call your local officials and report him immediately. We cannot have bozos like that mysteriously shouting out people's names.

Whitney has a rather bad sunburn from sitting in the sun way too long. She is experimenting various creams and lotions to see which one's are most effective when placed on rather sensitive skin.

Elyssa is working and resting, proudly singing her new favourite song, "back off, get your own sandwich, BACK OFF" and drinking her new favourite Vanilla Cappuccino Coffee from A.L. Van Hout.

Till the next MOIST show,
Nauselbaum

Elyssa Manis

Disclaimer: This review is only for fun, and is not meant to mock the people that are in it. They understand that I am a wacko and funny gal, so they won't mind much. I just wanted to make a really funny review. I hope you all enjoyed it fully. Please come back in a few weeks for the next review!